Starting the Year Strong: Questions Couples Should Be Asking Each Other (But Often Don’t)

Starting the Year Strong: Questions Couples Should Be Asking Each Other (But Often Don’t)

January often brings a sense of reflection. Many couples enter the new year hoping things will feel calmer, closer, or more connected, yet aren’t always sure how to start those conversations. Daily routines, unresolved tensions, and unspoken expectations can quietly shape a relationship without either partner realizing it.

Couples therapy often begins by slowing things down and creating space for the conversations that rarely happen on their own. Below are questions many couples find meaningful: not because they lead to immediate solutions, but because they open the door to understanding.

1. How connected do you feel to me right now?

This question can feel vulnerable, but it invites honesty without blame. Partners often assume the other knows how they feel, yet connection is experienced differently by each person. Listening without interrupting or defending can be just as important as the answer itself.

2. What feels hardest in our relationship lately?

Every relationship has challenges. This question helps bring those difficulties into the open rather than allowing them to build quietly beneath the surface. The goal isn’t to solve everything at once, but to understand what your partner is carrying.

3. What do you need more of from me right now?

Needs change over time. What felt supportive years ago may not feel the same today. Asking this question with curiosity (rather than guilt or pressure) can help couples reconnect with what truly matters in the present.

4. When we disagree, what do you wish I understood about your experience?

Many conflicts repeat not because of the topic, but because of how each partner feels during disagreement. This question encourages empathy and helps shift the focus from “winning” an argument to understanding one another’s emotional experience.

5. What helps you feel safe and supported in our relationship?

Emotional safety is foundational in long-term relationships. This question allows couples to explore what builds trust, reassurance, and a sense of being on the same team, especially during moments of stress or change.

Why These Conversations Are Often Avoided

These questions can feel uncomfortable because they require vulnerability, patience, and emotional presence. Without support, couples may avoid them out of fear of conflict, misunderstanding, or saying the “wrong” thing. Over time, avoidance can create distance, even in relationships where there is deep care and commitment.

How Couples Therapy Can Help

Couples therapy provides a structured, supportive space to have these conversations with guidance. Rather than focusing on blame, therapy helps couples identify patterns, improve communication, and rebuild emotional connection at a pace that feels manageable.

January is a common time for couples to reflect on their relationship and consider meaningful change. A consultation can help determine whether couples counseling is the right next step.