Stop the Same Argument: A 10-Minute Repair Routine You Can Try TonightWhen You Keep Having the Same Fight
Most couples find themselves replaying certain arguments over and over again. What often hurts most isn’t the topic itself, but the feeling of not being heard or understood.
When you notice that pattern happening again, it’s often a sign that both people are trying to reach each other, just in different ways.
Why Repair Matters
Conflict is part of every relationship. What makes the difference is how you come back together afterward. Repair isn’t about winning, losing, or instantly solving everything. It’s about showing that the relationship matters more than being right.
Even small moments of repair like saying “I can see your point,” “I am sorry I shut down,” or simply sitting together after cooling off can help the relationship recover.
A 10-Minute Framework to Try
You can use this flexible structure to start repairing after an argument. Think of it as a guide, not a script. Adapt it to fit your relationship and comfort level.
Pause and Breathe
Give yourselves a moment to calm down before talking. It’s easier to connect when both people’s nervous systems have a chance to reset.Acknowledge What Happened
Try beginning with something simple like:
“That argument didn’t feel good. Can we talk more about it now?”
Recognizing the rupture helps shift you from blame to teamwork.Share, Then Listen
Each person takes a few minutes to share how they felt and what they needed—without interruption. Listening fully can defuse defensiveness more than any “perfect” wording.Look for Common Ground
Even if you don’t fully agree, identify one point of understanding or appreciation. That small bridge helps both partners feel safer.End on Care
You don’t need a grand gesture, just something kind: a thank-you, a gentle touch, or an “I love you.” It signals that the bond is intact, even when things get messy.
Making It Work for You
Some couples talk better during a walk or while driving. Others need time alone before reconnecting. The goal isn’t to have a flawless conversation: it’s to practice turning back toward each other, even in small ways.
If you find that the same argument keeps resurfacing or the repairs don’t seem to stick, that’s often a cue to reach out for extra support. A therapist can help you understand the deeper patterns underneath and guide you toward more lasting change.
Next Step
At Paul Hoskins Counseling, I help couples across Michigan learn practical tools for communication, repair, and connection.
Schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation to see if relationship therapy might be a fit for you.