Gottman Method Couples Therapy in Kalamazoo, MI
Serving all of Michigan through online teletherapy
If you love your partner deeply but still struggle to communicate, you’re not alone. Many couples in Kalamazoo and throughout Michigan struggle with disagreements, criticism, and defensiveness in their relationships.
The Gottman Method provides couples with practical tools to recognize these patterns and respond differently. It helps you manage conflict, repair after disagreements, strengthen your friendship, and rebuild the trust and affection that may have waned.
At Paul Hoskins Counseling LLC, I provide Gottman Method couples therapy in Kalamazoo and throughout Michigan through online teletherapy. I have completed Levels 1–3 of Gottman Method Couples Therapy training. I can integrate these practical tools with Emotionally Focused Therapy and Internal Family Systems when deeper emotional patterns also need attention.
How Can the Gottman Method Improve Your Relationship?
The Gottman Method is a research-informed approach to couples therapy developed by psychologists Drs. John and Julie Gottman. It is based on decades of research examining how couples communicate, handle conflict, maintain friendship, and respond to each other’s needs.
Many couples begin therapy because they keep having the same disagreement without reaching a meaningful resolution. Others have stopped arguing but also feel emotionally distant, lonely, or unsure how to reconnect.
Gottman Method couples therapy can help you:
Express your feelings and needs more clearly
Listen without immediately defending yourself or withdrawing
Pause the conflict and return to the conversation more calmly
Repair after arguments, emotional injuries, or betrayal
Build greater appreciation and affection for each other
Respond to everyday attempts at connection
Discuss recurring problems more productively
Can You Replace the Four Horsemen With Healthier Communication?
One of the best-known parts of the Gottman Method is the Four Horsemen. These four communication patterns can make conflict more painful and create emotional distance:
Criticism: Attacking your partner’s character instead of addressing a specific concern
Contempt: Communicating with disrespect, mockery, sarcasm, or superiority
Defensiveness: Denying responsibility, making excuses, or responding with a counterattack
Stonewalling: Withdrawing or shutting down because the conversation feels overwhelming
Most couples experience one of these patterns or a combination of them. If you and your partner are stuck in one of these cycles, your relationship isn’t doomed. It simply needs more support right now.
In therapy, you can practice replacing criticism with a gentler approach, contempt with appreciation, defensiveness with appropriate responsibility, and stonewalling with emotional regulation. Your therapist doesn’t take sides in the matter; they will help both of you better understand yourselves and develop healthier ways to communicate and resolve challenges.
“Remember what it means to be the listener. You don't react to what you're hearing. Just keep breathing, postpone your own agenda, and concentrate on your partner.”
― Dr. John Gottman, The Gottman Method
Online Gottman Method Therapy In Kalamazoo, MI & Across Michigan
I’m Paul Hoskins, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Licensed Professional Counselor, and limited licensed psychologist with more than a decade of experience. I provide online counseling for couples and individuals in Kalamazoo and throughout Michigan. I work with couples all across the relationship spectrum, whether they have been married for decades, are newly married, are seeking premarital counseling, are long-term partners, or are dating.
My style is warm, gently direct, and collaborative. I will work to help both partners feel heard while also being honest about patterns that are causing harm or keeping you stuck.
Online couples therapy allows you to meet from a private, comfortable location without traveling to an office. You and your partner can attend together from any location as long as you are both physically in Michigan.
Many couples start therapy with me without knowing exactly what’s wrong. We will work together to identify your concerns, understand your relationship’s strengths, and decide which tools can help you move forward.
If you want to communicate more clearly, rebuild trust, or feel close again, please reach out. We can discuss your goals and determine whether Gottman Method couples therapy is a good fit.
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The Gottman Method is a research-informed approach developed from decades of observation and study involving couples and relationships. Its tools focus on communication, conflict management, friendship, intimacy, trust, and shared meaning.
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We begin by exploring your relationship history, strengths, concerns, and recurring patterns. I may observe how you discuss a difficult subject and help you recognize what causes conversations to escalate or shut down. We then practice tools designed for the specific challenges affecting your relationship.
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Yes. I have completed Levels 1–3 of Gottman Method Couples Therapy training and am a trained Gottman group leader for the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
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No. The Gottman Method can help married and unmarried couples at different stages of their relationships. It may be used for dating, engaged, cohabitating, or long-term committed partners.
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It’s possible. Gottman Method couples therapy provides a structured way to safely discuss the affair, work on accountability, rebuild trust, and restore connection. However, the process requires honesty and participation from both partners, and healing usually takes time.
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Couples do not always need the same type of support. Some need clear communication tools, while others need help understanding the deeper emotions and past experiences driving their reactions.
I’m trained in the Gottman Method, EFT, and IFS, and I draw from these approaches based on your needs. For instance, we may use a Gottman tool to improve a conversation while also exploring why that conversation feels threatening or painful.
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Yes. I provide online Gottman Method couples therapy for clients in Kalamazoo and throughout Michigan. All appointments are conducted through telehealth.
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I accept Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan for individual therapy but not for marriage or couples therapy. This is because insurance plans explicitly state they do not cover marriage or couples therapy. I do accept payment from Health Savings Accounts and Flexible Spending Accounts as well as debit and credit cards.